didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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