he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
