Don't you send me to vm
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
