Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
