She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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