May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
