This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
