dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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