She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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