Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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