you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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