Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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