I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
