I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
