Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
