dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I AM VODKA MAN
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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