why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
