I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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