I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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