If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
