So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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