You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
