Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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