end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
