There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
