the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
two words...techno handjob
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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