ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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