my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
