I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
