I heard we made out
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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