It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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