you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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