Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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