My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
