Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
