the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
