I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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