If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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