I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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