Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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