Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
