Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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