Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
