I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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