Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
