I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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