we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
