I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm just crazy horny about you
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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