The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He better not be in your backpack
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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