Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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