you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
