u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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