I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
