Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
